The Bad Days.

We leave the house in a rush. Not knowing what the day brings, but we know we are suppose to be prepared for whatever it does. Some days are REALLY hard to get through. I know today definently was. & you walk through the halls seeing everyone who has a smile on their face, then everyone who trys to avoid eye contact. How could they be so happy when I can't find it anywhere in me to smile. I surround myself with happy people and yet I rarely laugh. By the time the days nearly over people are noticeing more & more how I'm not okay. & I feel alone.

I felt alone until i saw her walking to her next class. My sister. She has it written all over her face. Her pain was obvious. We had gone through hell the night before together & now some guys take it upon themselves to hurt her more. I hope they realize how much she deserves better then them. Me & this girl have faced every problem together. Whether or not we're together when something happens, later on, we're telling each other advice on how we'd handle it. I HATE seeing her hurt. It hurts me. No one really ever understands this about me.. but its true. Yes we fight, but it last maybe 5 minutes? Nothing to bad.
But I have recently learned that my protectiveness of her..can cause some issues. I don't mean for it to but it does. I'm always by her side standing up for her & trying to keep her from hurting. I'd rather suffer then ever see her ache. So yes, I get myself into bad situations trying to keep her save from pain.

Last night is a great example of one of the bad situations I cause. It's not the first time i've done it & it wont be the last. I can't even begin to explain why I pop off with some of the things i do. But this one isn't hard to explain at all.

The one whose protected me my whole life & the one who has stood my ground for me when i couldn't. I can't ever do as much for her as she has for me. But i'd do anything to get close to it. She'll never know how truely thankful I am for her strong will & courage. God really has blessed her with amazing gifts. I mean honestly, who can say they kept their little sister & little brother going when mom was hurting to bad. Yes, mom was there & did everything possible. But when a person is struggling as bad as we all were..there's only so much you can do. And my Mom always did what she could. Lizzi's just always been the one I cry to at night & we have a bond like no other.

So why not take a stand for how I feel & what I believe needs to be said?
Even if it comes out at the wrong times.