What Comes Next?

Dear               


Where are you at this moment in time?
I know your location, but I don't know where your heart is. Its killing me.
I've never thought it would get this bad. I knew that if you didn't stop we would be in another situation where all we can do is wait. But, the last thing I said to you is "I'll see you there" and I lied... because I didn't see you there. I sat at home and cried while you where taken back to what they expect you to call "home". The fact that I didn't see you there, when I told you I would, has eaten at me every night since. I worry so much about your well-being. Never have I had a friend like you. You try to protect me no matter the situation, your the big brother I never had. Until this previous summer in early June, I didn't even know you existed and now I don't know what I would do if you didn't. I call you when I need a laugh, a cry, or just someone to listen. You tend to do that best, listen. Most people can't put their life on "pause" for one single person, you manage to do it for a few of us. When I struggle, your struggles seem irrelevant, just so that you can help me. & you know ANY day I would do the same for you, which is why you come to me for help also.
Last night before I layed my head on that pillow to rest, I was left with "they're talking about sending him to the Lawrence Children's Home."
With that thought in my head all I could do is worry. I know you well enough to know that that is not whats right for you. You need some stability in your life. A children's home isn't anything close to that. A real home, with real people (not "workers"), and real parents is what you need. Someone to tell you no is what you need. Someone who won't just send you along to a new home when you've done wrong. They've never taught you right from wrong with punishment, they've taught you it with a new "home" and new "parents". I'm sorry but that to me is nothing like what you need to learn right from wrong. Knowing that someone will still love you no matter what is an absolutely amazing feeling, whether it be friends or your girlfriend, thats the feeling you have when someone is your family. Which is what we are. We are your family, forever. We'll love you no matter the decisions you make, but we'll let you know that we're disappointed, which is what should make you change your ways. You should know having the ones you love & the ones that love you are hurt by your decisions should make you think twice before you make the same mistake again.
I can't tell you this.. I can't even speak to you on the phone. Its tearing me apart. I talk to you everyday no matter what & now.. I don't even know when our next conversation might be.
I MISS YOU.
I've lost sleep over this. I've been laying awake at night think about what comes next for you.
Everyday my mom has called & yet we can't get an answer. That makes me wonder whats possibly going through your head? I mean I'm personally crying daily because I need to know. If I'm this upset, I cant even imagine how you feel.
But this I can promise you, I'm not going anywhere. I've been by your side ever since the day we met. You're my bestfriend and my big brother. & I will fight for your well-being everyday of my life if I have to. Because, I love you.
I'm waiting for my phone to ring with your voice on the other end.
Keep your head up. If Lyss & I can keep going, so can you.


Love your little sister,

                        Abigail Ruth Dollard